BeadTableWednesday and Philosophising about creativity and skill

I am going through a really bad patch lately, when it comes to designing and making jewelry. It started a week or so ago. I had laid out this design for a necklace, that I am very happy with. But when I am going to assemble it I get stuck on tiny details. Either I don't have a clear idea of HOW that particular part shall connect with the next. Or I just don't manage to make it look good. So I take apart and try again, and take apart and try again. When I've been doing that for two or three days I put it all away coz I only get stressed when handling the parts, and my hands get all sweaty and such things, so I don't work well anyway. What a shame it is, coz I believe it will look great if I only get it to look the way I want it too. I have kind of promised people to show it ready also, as a reply to the positive comments I got on flickr and on my blog post. I feel I let you down. So sorry about that!

OK, so I started on something else instead. This Month's ABS challenge. Oh, I have some beads and parts that are so perfect for this. I was gonna make a bracelet. A really nice one. But it just wouldn't work out for me that one either. I tried for three days. Same story as with the necklace above. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! Now it is just a pile of beads and components. And I DON'T want to give up. I keep coming back looking at the parts, fiddling with them, trying different possibilities. But na, I am not convinced yet. So back to the good old soup state again. And that's where we are standing now.

On the good side though - I did make these earrings and posted them to the flickr group. They turned out nice I think. So hurray for them! They are for sale in my Etsy shop. They sit very nicely on, I wore them all Sunday, and hardly noticed them during the whole day.

Then there is also the Bead Soup Blog Party. I don't know what to make with the parts I got from Anita. They are all lovely and beautiful, don't misunderstand me. And I can see them in many different kinds of jewelry looking really good. Made by other people. But you see, I want to make my own kind, my own style. So last night I was laying out at least ten different concepts for designs of different pieces. I wasn't pleased with any of them. They would work, shurely, and I would get away with showing them. But I wish for something extra. Not just "good" or "nice". But "WOW" and "awesome". You know what I mean!?!

I do know from my previous artistic careers that this patch I am going through is a clear sign of that I am just about to take a leap in my performance level. An art teacher explained it to me once like this:

Picture some stairs. See yourself, your skill and ability moving up those stairs. When you have reached a new step on those stairs you feel great and excited and in flow. But then slowly you are moving forward on that step in order to get closer to the next one to climb. The closer you get, the more and more you get a glimpse of what is awaiting you. You can see what you COULD achieve, but you are not yet there. At a certain stage in that process of moving forward you are not any longer satisfied by what you already know, but ONLY see what's there on the next step. This is when the big frustration strikes. "So really", my teacher said, "you thinking that you suck at what you do, is a sign of you having developed, and that you know where you want to go." "You are just about to move up onto that next step."

I have carried this picture with me for many years, coz it works for me. And right now I am standing right there by the wall of the next step again. Oh, it is so tough and difficult to actually push myself over. I am STUCK basically. So what I have often done in the past when I am standing here, is to decide to do the opposite of what I believe is good. The opposite of the familiar and known. Coz really, when you think about it, it is what you already know and can that you are NOT satisfied with. You want something more, something new, something fresh and exciting. How to access that, unless you try something completely unfamiliar. You have to not care about the end result when you have your first go. But you have to complete the idea, the attempt to the end.

Alright then! I guess that is what I will be doing for the following days, or weeks. And this time I shall push myself to show the results swell, not judging myself before. All the way!

Now just please give me a BIG KICK IN THE ASS for my coming journey!

Thank you!

Increasing ones performance?

Very recently I was asked to participate in a project where I have to perform something. I was asked on the basis of my previous performances. And the easiest would of course be to settle on that level, and just make something which would please the runner of the project enough. But this project might be a great oportunity for me. And also for others, that is everyone who will take part of the result, and hopefully get something good out of it for themselves.

So ... Malin gets all philosophical about it ...

The reason for that was that I rather soon after being asked did get this idea for what I would do. But the idea involves a bit of a risk for me, because I will partially enter unknown land. And I might possibly make a big failure. So ... I have spent a few days thinking about it. How shall I go about it? Shall I challenge myself, work kind of in an examining way, and hopefully discover something new and fresh? Something both myself and everyone who will take part of the result will gain from. That is what I wish to do, just also coz my lust is to go down that particular road. I wanna find what is there, have never been there before. So for me that is what is fun. To just make something I have done before does not excite me too much.

But what if I fail? Well, after all this thinking I have come to the conclusion that firstly I don't believe I will fail, and secondly I just have to be prepared that I maybe will. And how would I handle that? What is the worst thing that could happen? I really don't know to be honest, I guess I would either make a fool out of myself, or I would just be withdrawn from the project. The worst thing for me would be if I was still part of the project, but what I did was on an embarrissingly lower level than you could expect, and that in comparission to the others who are participating I would be the one with the absolutely worst result. Like, totally boring and uninteresting. I would get a bad reputation, and no one would ever wanna cooperate with me again. Yes, that would be very bad for me. But to be honest I don't think that is what will happen. I believe I will perform well, that I will please the project runner, that I will develop myself, and that others will benefit from what I have discovered.

So all of this made me think of something I learnt about 10 years ago when I worked in an internet bureau (as an Art Director and Interface Designer). One of the bosses was extremely interested in averything to do with creating a work environment that would get the possibly best out of every one working in the company. Both on a personal level, but also on a team level. I shan't get into many details about that, but I just remeber one lecture I attained. Where it was explained that in order to reach better results, increase your performance, you have to not focus on reaching higher all the time. If you instead focus on allowing yourself on reaching lower on the scale of what is the maximum failure you are willing to accept for yourself, you will automatically reach higher on the performance scale. I don't remeber ALL the details about this theory, and I might have left something important out. So please feel free to fill in any gaps or correct any faults you discover in this post/article in the comments. I have tried to make a graph that explains the theory.

So what is the conclusion then? Will I go for the risky unknown path? Of course I will! I don't think I could ever do anything else. I need challenges and to develop myself. I love to discover new knowledge, and expand my own abilities. That is so much fun. But yes, perhaps I will make a complete fool out of myself. Frankly I don't care in this case. It is so much more worth for me to try this idea I have, I just wanna see how it will work and if I will be able to make something good out of it. If I fail, I will still have learned something. And I don't think I will fail. I think something really good will come out of this yet unknown journey.

PLEASE share your thoughts and experiences on this subject.

All my love,

Malin